How to Support a Partner Through Grief: Insights from Research and Real Life
Loving someone who is grieving can feel like standing on unsteady ground. You want to help, but you might worry about saying the wrong thing or not doing enough. The truth is, grief is both universal and deeply personal — no two people move through it in exactly the same way.
Fortunately, decades of research give us helpful guidance on what kinds of support actually make a difference for partners who are grieving. While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, certain themes consistently appear across studies. These insights can help you show up for your partner in ways that nurture both them and your relationship.
Presence Matters More Than Words
When someone we love is hurting, it’s tempting to reach for the “right” words — but research shows it’s not about having perfect answers. What matters most is being there.
Sitting beside your partner in silence, listening with empathy, and allowing their feelings to surface without rushing them communicates something powerful: you’re not alone in this.
Listen First, Act Second
Support is most effective when it matches what the grieving person actually needs. Sometimes that’s a shoulder to cry on. Other times, it’s practical help with meals, bills, or childcare. And sometimes, they may just want space.
Overhelping, or offering the “wrong” kind of support, can unintentionally add stress. The simplest way to know what they need? Ask gently, and listen closely.
Keep Conversations About the Loss Open
Grief doesn’t heal by avoiding the subject of the person who died. Studies show that encouraging gentle, open conversation helps your partner process their emotions and make meaning of the loss. Sharing stories, saying the person’s name, or simply acknowledging hard days can ease the burden of silence.
Balance Space and Togetherness
Loss often shifts intimacy in a relationship. Your partner might crave closeness one moment and solitude the next. Both are natural. What helps most is flexibility: offering closeness when they want it, but also respecting when they need space. This balance protects against feelings of suffocation or abandonment.
Grieve as a Team
Partners who navigate grief together — checking in, sharing feelings, and solving challenges as a unit — often report stronger relationships and less psychological distress. Think of it as “dyadic coping”: grief may be deeply personal, but healing can be shared.
Respect Differences in Grief Style
Not everyone grieves in the same way. Some people prefer to do (handling tasks, staying busy), while others prefer to be (expressing emotions, seeking connection). Culture and gender can also shape how grief is expressed. Instead of assuming, stay curious and compassionate about your partner’s unique style.
Remember: Grief Doesn’t Have an Expiration Date
One of the most loving things you can do is continue showing up after the first few weeks have passed. Anniversaries, birthdays, and even small reminders of the person who died can stir up fresh waves of grief. A simple text, hug, or acknowledgment — months or years later — tells your partner their loss hasn’t been forgotten.
Key Takeaways
Supporting a grieving partner isn’t about grand gestures or quick fixes. It’s about:
Showing up with empathy
Listening and responding to their expressed needs
Encouraging open grief expression
Balancing space and closeness
Sustaining support beyond the early days
Grief changes a relationship, but it doesn’t have to weaken it. With patience, compassion, and a willingness to walk alongside your partner, you can help create space for both love and healing.
Final Thoughts
If you’re walking this path, know that your efforts — even when they feel small — matter more than you realize. Being present, staying attuned, and remembering the long road of grief are among the most profound gifts you can give.
🐾 Pet Loss and Disenfranchised Grief: Why Grieving a Pet Deserves Recognition
For millions of pet lovers around the world, a dog, cat, bird, or even a rabbit isn’t just a pet — they are family. They are emotional companions, routine-keepers, and silent therapists. Yet when a beloved animal dies, the emotional devastation that follows is too often dismissed with phrases like “You can get another one” or “At least it wasn’t a person.”
Keywords: pet loss grief, disenfranchised grief, grieving a pet, coping with pet loss, pet bereavement support
💔 Grieving a Pet is Real Grief — So Why Doesn’t Society Treat It That Way?
For millions of pet lovers around the world, a dog, cat, bird, or even a rabbit isn’t just a pet — they are family. They are emotional companions, routine-keepers, and silent therapists. Yet when a beloved animal dies, the emotional devastation that follows is too often dismissed with phrases like “You can get another one” or “At least it wasn’t a person.”
This reaction is not only harmful — it's an example of what psychologists call disenfranchised grief.
🧠 What Is Disenfranchised Grief?
Coined by grief expert Dr. Kenneth Doka, disenfranchised grief refers to grief that is not socially recognized, validated, or supported. It's the kind of sorrow that goes unseen — where the mourner feels they don't have “permission” to grieve.
Pet loss fits this definition perfectly.
It’s not always socially acceptable to cry over an animal.
Workplaces rarely offer bereavement leave for pets.
There are few public mourning rituals for pets.
Grievers often feel pressure to "move on quickly."
📉 Why Pet Loss Hurts So Deeply
According to psychological research, pet owners can form bonds just as strong as human relationships — especially with pets who were emotional support animals, childhood companions, or long-time members of the household.
A 2009 study published in Death Studies found that pet loss grief can match or exceed the intensity of human loss, depending on the individual’s attachment level. (Field et al., 2009)
And yet… those experiencing this grief are often told to hide it.
🚫 Common Misunderstandings About Pet Loss
Here are just a few misconceptions people face when grieving a pet:
"It was just an animal."
→ This ignores the deep emotional bond that many humans form with their pets."You can just get another one."
→ Replacing a pet doesn’t erase the loss — grief is not transferable."You’re overreacting."
→ This invalidates the mourner’s emotions, which can delay healing or lead to complicated grief.
✅ How to Support Someone Grieving a Pet
Acknowledge their loss
Say: “I’m so sorry for your loss. I know how much [pet's name] meant to you.”Avoid minimizing language
Don’t say: “At least it wasn’t a person.”Encourage healthy grieving
Help them memorialize their pet in some way — through a photo album, art, or a memorial garden.Suggest support groups or counselors
Pet loss support groups and mental health counselors can provide safe spaces to process grief.Give them time
Everyone grieves differently. Avoid setting timelines on their healing.
🗣️ Real Words from Mental Health Professionals
“Pet loss is often a socially unspeakable grief. But to the bereaved, it’s as real as any other.”
— Dr. Millie Cordaro, Journal of Mental Health Counseling
“The lack of formal rituals and acknowledgment of pet loss often intensifies feelings of isolation.”
— Spain, O’Dwyer & Moston, Anthrozoös Journal, 2019
🌱 Healing Starts with Recognition
Pet grief is valid. It is real. And it deserves to be treated with dignity, empathy, and support.
Murphy, my late-sister’s beloved Bernese Mountain Dog, resting on the cottage deck where he loved to sit—his gentle face glowing with happiness.
Whether you're experiencing the loss yourself or supporting a grieving friend, remember this:
🐾 Grief is love with nowhere to go.
Let’s give it somewhere safe to land.
Supporting Someone Who Is Grieving 💙
I was supporting a client who was expressing sadness and discomfort around supporting a loved one who had had a profound and unexpected loss. As we spoke, I encouraged my client to sit with the discomfort of not being able to stop someone else's pain from impacting them. Not being able to take the pain from someone they love so deeply can be such a deeply helpless place.
Fresh From the Therapy Room
I was supporting a client who was expressing sadness and discomfort around supporting a loved one who had had a profound and unexpected loss. As we spoke, I encouraged my client to sit with the discomfort of not being able to stop someone else's pain from impacting them. Not being able to take the pain from someone they love so deeply can be such a deeply helpless place.
While you can know that your loved one is struggling, there is a powerlessness in having to watch them hurt and have to keep living their lives. They still have to go to work, they still have to get groceries… and yes, it's so unfair that they have to do those things because we really should honour people's emotional pain more in our society. There should be more room for us to grieve and take time to be with our sadness and our loss. It should be completely normalized to be away from work during these times.
And yet, many of us are pulled into going on even when we aren't sure if we are ready to.
This feels a lot of like when you smash a Terry Orange, you know it's ready to fall apart on the inside at any moment, and that can be hard to hold… but only the person who experiences the loss gets to decide when they unwrap the chocolate and let the pieces open into the palm of their hands.
📍 Our New Location
Our new office is located at 1439 Woodroffe Ave, in an easily accessible area, designed to provide a peaceful and safe environment for your therapy journey. The new office has been thoughtfully designed with comfort and privacy in mind, making it the perfect space for your sessions.
How to Get Here:
We want to make your visit as stress-free as possible, so here’s everything you need to know to find us with ease:
Directions:
From Woodroffe Avenue (Main Road):
If you're coming from the south (Barrhaven), head north on Woodroffe Ave and look for the Great Canadian Oil Change on your right. Our office is located just past BackTracks Health Centre.
If you're coming from the north, head south on Woodroffe and take a right onto Meadowlands Drive. Make a right onto Sullivan Ave, and another right onto Norice Street.
At the end of Norice Street, you will see the Canadian Oil Change on your right. Turn right onto Woodroffe Ave and enter the parking lot for “Ramila’s Healing Arts”. More details on parking provided below.
Suggested Route
Note: Be aware that there is ongoing construction on Woodroffe Avenue, which might cause minor delays or detours. We suggest checking real-time traffic updates before your visit or considering alternative routes if you’re in a rush.
Public Transit:
If you’re taking public transit, the closest bus stop is located at the Baseline Park and Ride, which is just a 10-minute walk from the office.
🚗 Where to Park:
We offer convenient free parking for our clients in the parking lot directly behind the building. Look for spaces where there is a painted red fence.
If the lot is full, there is additional parking available at the front of the building.
⚠️ Important Note: Construction on Woodroffe Avenue
As mentioned, there is currently ongoing construction on Woodroffe Avenue, which could affect traffic flow and cause delays. Please allow for some extra travel time to ensure you arrive on time for your session. Here are some tips to help you navigate around the construction:
Check traffic updates: We recommend using navigation apps like Google Maps or Waze to stay updated on road conditions.
Alternate Routes: Consider taking Merivale and Meadowlands to avoid traffic congestion. These may be less affected by construction work.
Extra Time: Allow 5-10 minutes of extra travel time, just in case of delays.
📸 Sneak Peek of the New Office:
To give you a feel of the new space, here are some pictures of the office:
Welcoming Waiting Area
Our new reception area is designed to make you feel at home as soon as you walk through the door. You can arrive early, take off your shoes, and brew yourself a tea while you wait for your clinician to come meet you.
Therapy Room
Each therapy room has been carefully designed to create a calm, soothing atmosphere for you to relax and focus on your session.
🗓️ Ready to Visit? Book Your Session Today!
We’re so excited to welcome you to our new space! If you’re ready to schedule your next therapy session, you can easily book online through our website or contact us at hello@changetidestherapy.com.
Thank you for being a part of our journey! We’re looking forward to seeing you soon at our new location.
Accessing Therapy with Changing Tides Therapy
Beginning therapy can feel like a big step, whether you're seeking support for yourself, as a couple, or for someone in your family. It’s natural to have questions about what to expect from the process, especially if you’re unsure about what steps to take, how the sessions unfold, or what the overall experience will be like.
As a therapist, my goal is to make sure you feel comfortable, respected, and supported at every stage of your journey. Here’s a step-by-step guide to what you can expect when accessing therapy services, from the initial connection call to your ongoing sessions.
Step 1: Connection Call
Before your first appointment, we’ll have an introductory phone call or virtual meeting, often called a "connection call." This is a low-pressure opportunity for you to ask any questions you have, share a little about why you’re seeking therapy, and get a feel for how we might work together.
For Individuals: We’ll discuss your reasons for seeking therapy, what you hope to achieve, and any questions you may have.
For Couples/Families: Both partners join this call to talk about your relationship dynamics and goals for therapy.
Step 2: Intake and Consent Forms
Before we begin your intake session, you'll need to complete some essential forms. These are an important part of the process and help us ensure that your therapy experience is clear, transparent, and aligned with legal and ethical standards.
Intake Forms: Gather personal and mental health history to guide our work together.
Consent Forms: Outline confidentiality, payment policies, and expectations for therapy.
Step 3: First Session
Your first full session will be the intake session. This is where we dive deeper into your background, the reasons you're seeking therapy, and what you hope to achieve in treatment.
For Individuals:
In an individual intake session, we’ll take time to discuss your personal history, current struggles, and goals for therapy. Expect to share information about your family dynamics, work-life balance, mental health history, and anything else that feels relevant. The focus will be on you and your unique experiences.
For Couples/Family:
For couples/family counselling, the intake sessions will happen individually for each individual, though the first call was together. In these individual intake sessions, each person will have space to discuss their own history, current feelings, and experiences related to the relationship and the issues they are facing. This approach allows us to better understand both peoples' perspectives on the relationship and any underlying factors that may be contributing to the issues you’re facing as a couple.
While these intake sessions are individual, the goal is still to focus on the relationship. You’ll both have the opportunity to express your thoughts and feelings openly in a neutral, safe environment. After these initial individual sessions, we’ll reconvene together as a group to continue working toward resolution and growth.
Step 4: Ongoing Sessions
Therapy is an ongoing process, and each session builds upon the last. After the intake, we’ll begin exploring the issues that are most pressing for you or your relationship. These sessions will vary depending on your goals, but the general structure will look like this:
Exploration of Core Issues: We’ll unpack deeper emotions, experiences, and thought patterns. This may include talking about childhood experiences, past trauma, relationship patterns, or personal challenges.
Skill-Building and Coping Strategies: Over time, we’ll work on tools and techniques to help you better manage your emotions, communication, and behaviours. These might include mindfulness exercises, communication strategies, or cognitive-behavioural techniques.
Progress and Reflection: As you progress in therapy, we’ll frequently check in on your goals and revisit the treatment plan to ensure that you’re moving toward what you want. Progress in therapy is not always linear, and it’s important to be patient with yourself along the way.